Ninia Baehr gets misty-eyed when recalling the beginnings of her relationship with Genora Dancel. "Genora and Ninia were both born in Hawaii in 1960, four days and five miles apart. Both of them, individually, felt like they were the only lesbians on the island.
Baehr had embraced her lesbianism early on and moved to New York City, where she studied women's history and found work with women's organizations. Baehr, when 30, decided to go back to college. The most economical way to pull that off, she figured, was to go back to Hawaii, attend a state school and live with her mother. Carpooling saved money, too, she found.
While Baehr was an entire continent away, Dancel, born to a family of Phillipine origin, realized, at age five, that she was gay. After coming to terms with her sexuality, she dated women, but she never went to gay bars or support groups. Dancel says her mother caught her kissing a girlfriend in the early '80s, and was upset by it, but they had never really discussed her lesbianism.
Because of Hawaii's high cost of living, Dancel worked two jobs -- 80 hours a week -- to make ends meet. In fact, she was simultaneously the first female engineer at two television stations, including the one where Ninia Baehr's mother worked. While on the job, Dancel strove to keep her private life private and made sure that no one could confirm that she was gay. And it seemed wise to her to avoid meeting her co-worker's out lesbian daughter, even if she was attractive. Whenever Baehr would pay a visit to her mother's office, Genora would conveniently disappear.
Baehr tells the story by recounting the events of June 20, 1990:
"Not knowing all of this, I came to the office and asked the receptionist if I could see Genora Dancel. And the receptionist turned on the intercom to the whole building and said, 'Genora Dancel, C.J. Baehr's daughter is in the lobby, and she wants to see you.' Genora came out and she was so nervous, she kept backing away from me until she backed right into the wall. I was smitten, but I thought it was not mutual."
Until Dancel telephoned her that evening and apologized for that wall business. The next thing the women knew, they were in love. Their first date was the following weekend. Baehr remembers that "we didn't kiss, but it lasted nine hours."
Within a few months, the couple realized that their relationship was special and seemed destined to last a long time. Baehr called the local gay and lesbian community center for advice on how they, as a same-sex couple, could ensure their emotional and financial well-being. At the same time, Dancel was away on an extended business trip. Finding a shop popular with gay and lesbian customers, she went inside and saw a ruby ring with diamonds that she thought would be perfect for Baehr. Guessing at her lover's ring size, Dancel purchased the ring.
Baehr called the gay community center to find out if there was domestic partnership information available that would be of use to her and Dancel. Soon after this initial phone call, Dancel received a call at the office. The other couples - Tammy Rodrigues and Antoinette Pregil and Pat Lagon and Joseph Melillo - were going to apply for their marriage licenses on December 17, 1990, the very next day. After they were inevitably turned down, a lawsuit would be filed. And if Baehr and Dancel wanted to be part of the fight, they had to decide in 30 minutes.
The next day, Baehr and Dancel met the other couples for the first time. The loosely-organized group, led by a representative of the gay community center, applied for their marriage licenses and were turned down. From there, they went to the offices of the American Civil Liberties Union and asked for legal representation. They were turned down. Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund also turned down the case, as did almost every other attorney they asked.
Baehr and Dancel, with the other couples, continued their search for an attorney until they found Daniel R. Foley. Foley took the case. And for the next two years, as he built the case, the three plaintiff couples, Baehr and Dancel included, worked, lived their lives, and became activists for the cause.
On May 5, 1993, the Hawaii Supreme Court ruled that the state discriminated against Baehr, Dancel, Rodrigues, Pregil, Lagon and Melillo on the basis of their gender. Since Hawaii has an Equal Rights Amendment in its state constitution, gender discrimination is against the law. The court said that before the state could continue to deny legal marriage to gays and lesbians, it would have to prove a compelling interest, or show that something terrible would happen if same gender marriage was allowed. And that compelling interest would have to stand up to the strictest scrutiny.
On December 4, Judge Chang approved a stay to keep gays and lesbians from marrying until the Hawaii Supreme Court, to which the ruling was appealed, could hand down a final decision in the case.
The pair decided to take leaves of absence from their jobs and moved to Baltimore, where Dancel began pre-med studies at Johns Hopkins University and Baehr found a job writing grants for a non-profit housing agency. After a year, money woes forced Dancel to put her studies on hold. Dancel found work as a television engineer at the University of Maryland-Baltimore County. Ninia Baehr and Genora Dancel now live in Baltimore, although they plan to return to Hawaii eventually for their wedding.
The lawsuit led to the December 3, 1996 ruling by Judge Kevin S.C. Chang, in which he found that the state of Hawaii showed no compelling reasons to prohibit same-gender marriage. The decision made for a historic moment in the ongoing fight for gay and lesbian civil rights in America. For Baehr and Dancel, Judge Chang's ruling was something more, an affirmation of their love and their equality.
Excerpts from an article by Natalie Davis, published in the Baltimore Alternative
