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Sean Maloney
(? - living) U.S.A.
Sean Maloney
White House staff secretary to President Clinton

Just before Sean Maloney was to depart for Little Rock Arkansas, to serve as deputy director of advance scheduling for Bill Clinton's '92 presidential campaign, he decided to go clubbing. Thus he met his partner Randy Florke on the dance floor of the New York nightclub Roxy. At the time, Randy was working for an interior decorator and architect in upstate New York. Their story, and the way they brought light into the live of three children who needed a family, is a testament to perseverance and dedication and offers living proof that gay men make incredible parents.

Under the weight of such an early geographic and career demands, relationships like Sean and Randy's often collapse. However, the two proceeded to make fodder of obstacles that spell doom for many couples. To add to their challenge, four and a half months after they began dating, Randy took their now 13-year-old son, Jesus into his care.

Sean's involvement with the Clinton campaign soon evolved into a new job with the new administration. He was named the (youngest - ever) Staff Secretary and Assistant to the President when Clinton took office. This obliged him to spend weekends in the West Wing, presiding over 100 employees, executing decisions on the President's behalf, and managing the decision making process. Weekends, he would get in his car and drive six hours to upstate New York where Randy was working on real estate and country houses.

Sean MaloneyJesus, soon permanently adopted by the couple, divided his time between New York City and Washington, D.C., where he went to school. Randy and Sean live together in Manhattan now. Sean works as Chief Operating Officer for Kiodex, an energy risk management firm, and Randy owns a New York country furniture shop called The Rural Connection, and continues to sell and restore real estate upstate. They have added two additional members to the family: a girl, Daley, now two, and another girl, Essex, who at the time of our interview, was just two weeks old. The timing of their adoptions was never planned. Sean and Randy simply left themselves open to providing a home for children who needed them. Is this a form of spontaneity a gay couple's version of the rhythm method?

Sean says that he can't think of many things they have not done or given up as a result of having three kids to raise, but he can say that many of their relationships with friends have actually grown stronger. "We have this whole group of friends who become more connected to us through the kids in a lot of ways. Among gay and lesbian folk you've got a lot of people who don't have children in their live, necessarily - maybe their nieces or nephews or that sort of thing. Our gay male friends just lavish attention, so the kids have a lot colorful uncles who are heroes because they want to give them great presents or take them on adventures. We've had many people come into our live to participate in raising the kids that's real nice."

So have kids had an effect on them as gay men? "To the extent that there's a Peter Pan syndrome among gay men, having a 13-year-old we're as old as the hills, and [that's a revelation] in culture which wants to celebrate permanent youth. [Kids] make you come to terms with the stage of life that you're at." Randy adds, "Jesus will remind me that I have wrinkles, and he will remind Sean that his hair is thinning. He's not afraid to say things."

Appearances aside, few gay couples get to know the facets of one another's personality through the curious magnifying glass of a child. "Kids reveal different sides of you," Sean adds. "I'm sure we have fewer dinners, see fewer movies, go on less amazing trips, but I'm thrilled with the choices we've made. It's obviously strengthened our relationship. I'm sure people have children and it gets in the way of their relationship. For us, I don't think so. The kids are so much a part of it. On those rare occasions when they're not around, we look at each other and don't know what to do with ourselves.

On a related note, Sean's coming out to his parents, which happened after he was taking care of Jesus, was facilitated by the fact that he had kids. "Sometimes straight people have trouble understanding that gays and lesbians are just like everybody else, and kids provide a safe harbor. There's no judgement involved with the child, particularly when you're adopting kids that come from tough backgrounds," he explains. "A lot of times when people come out to parents, the things that moms and dads freak out about is 'Oh, you'll never have a family. You'll be alone all your life. You'll be miserable.' They don't realize that gay people have a lot of wonderful possibilities. It's part of a process of having the larger world see us as full human beings with all sorts of stuff going on."

Sean MaloneyGay men, says Randy, use the excuse of not having enough money to raise children properly, when in reality, most can afford it. "It's really about wanting to sacrifice your personal time to have children, and it's really not about how much money you have. Money is the minor part of it. Gay people tend to have this notion that they can't do it until they can afford this and that."

What is required, absolutely, is a strong desire to actually do it, a love for kids, and the ability to have fun with it. Sean explains, "Gay parenting is the most planned parenthood because typically the parents are a little older, [with] more economic security, have thought through having kids at great length, and have had to overcome certain obstacles to do so. To some extent they [are] pioneers because they are doing something that would seem strange or unusual to people at adoption agencies or schools. It's a self-selected group - strong individuals who know what they want and set out to do things, and accomplish them."

Randy adds, "I think for heterosexual people it's so natural to get married, and then have kids, that they take it for granted in some respects. I don't think we ever take it for granted. I don't think you ever do when you're gay because it takes so much to orchestrate it, you're aware of how special it is."

Excerpts from an interview by Andy Towle

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