Last update:
December 11
2017

the lounge lost?

corner The Counseling desk - Letters and Answers - 1 corner
bottom

logo

top

bottom

logo

top

bottom

logo

top

bar

Confused - 31/40yo - male - straight
I think I may be Bi! As long as I can remember I've been attracted to certain types of men, but the thing is...... it's just a sexual feeling, just lust. I have never been in love with a man, only women, and I like it that way.

I hate labels and would rather think of myself as a normal person, but is sexual desire, or pure lust bisexuality?

Thanks!

Confused

My dear Confused,

Well, first of all, if you feel attracted to men, for sure you are at least a bisexual guy.

I really think that the huge majority of human beig is, naturally, not straight nor gay, but bisexual. But then, the education we receive, the social pressure, and our reaction to them, shifts our feelings more in one direction or in another, or even completely in one direction or the other.

About love... I think that we have to "love" (in the real meaning) not so much a gender or the other, a sex or the other, but a person! And if our love is real, we can also (at times we have to) express our love also physically, because our body can express things that no words, no speech could.

But here the problem arises. We are told, by our childhood, that two males (or two females) can perhaps have fun together, but never, ever love!

I mean, when two men, for instance, have no possibility to have a woman (say in prison, in the navy, in a boarding school and so forth...) they can make love, but they are not allowed to be in love with each other...

You say you hate the labels. I too do, really! A human being is not a wine, a corned beef can, he cannot be "labeled". And you also say you think of yourself as a normal person. That's very good! But remember, also gay, bisexual, lesbian and transgender people are normal people! Whatever the current opinion could say.

So, don't be scared if you are a bisexual, on the contrary... Why to discard for a five cents principle one half of the humanity? But being bisexual doesn't means you have to make love with a person of each gender. You have to make love with the person you are in love with, nothing less, nothing more. I mean, if one is straight, has he to make love with lot of women? Well, he can, but for a real, serious, lasting relationship he chooses one woman, and forgets about all the others, even if at times they appeal, arouse, allure him... It is not different from that.

Ciao ciao

Andrej

bar

Ned - 27yo - male - gay

Andrej,

Tonight (Saturday night) my friend Brian (the 32yr old) and I went to a restaurant called Hooters. You can imagine what kind of place it is. Scantily clad young things as waitresses, etc. Do you know how hard (excuse me, difficult) it is to pretend to be straight when you are with someome who is as straight as an arrow? I had more fun looking at the packages of the men who came in, even though I really had to hide my glances in that direction.

I am so torn I can hardly stand it any more. Can you console me?

I really need your feedback. I don't have any one else to whom I can write to about my feelings. You must have them, too. Otherwise I don't think that you could write the way you do.

Thanks for listening.

Love,
Ned

My dear Ned,

I can understand how difficult it could have been for you... Or better, I can guess.

In fact, even if I did not come out with so many of my straight as an arrow friends, I never pretend to be interested in girls. It is not a must.

And if they are too macho type, talking always about girls and pussies, I just say to them that I am not amused by such speeches... And if they insist, I just stop going out with them.

I too normally prefer to look at a good manly basket, of course, and often I am dreaming I have a x-rays view like Superman!
;^)

But from time to time, we need also a rest, isn't it? This can be the occasion when you go out with a so much straight friend. Being interested just to him and not to the beauties surrounding you...

Ciao ciao

Andrej

bar

Da Cat - 17yo - male - gay
ANDREJ,

Do u know of some kind of support group or program that help the teens? I really hope u do, cause I have contacted the Ellen show, wilson cruz (from my so caled life), and a few other shows like the real world, I found no hope in those shows I e-mailed them about a month ago I am still hoping for an answer, I am looseing that hope. It gets me really depres that popular show won't help out teen in need of emotional help and mental help in life. I hope U can help me I am not out, If there isn't a support for teens I would like u'r help and others If possible to help me make this for our teens. I know people in my school that would appreciate it , It is some thing we shouldn't be ashame of but we need celeb support we allready know a few ellen, georg m., wilson c., and that one girl that sings "come in to my window". Well what do u think, can u help me in anything? I hope so please.

I want u to help me find some power. I can't do much here. I have my niece and nephew, over the summer. I have a so called "boyfriend", oh I am not outta the closet. He lives inTexas and well I am in tennessee. I have another person who's intrested in me and he lives in memphis,I don't want to get to involve with someone and get it mest up cuse of the other one.
I don't wanna be gay I can't fight it though. I wanna fall in love with someone to help me through my pain. I wan't u to help me find some powers in society to make a group an so we can have a hot line .to help teens in need of self liberation of who they really are. May be we can later on make a plase kinda like a club where people don't know and there they can get loose and be who they really are.
HELP me please togeter we can fight society. Besides I can later on get on line and get people of our kind to unite and fight with stronger power. Tell me am I a little kid in the world that is making a wish for something, bigger than then the world he lives in? I hope not. well remember u got a fiend in me.

R.A.S.A.P.

Sincerely :)

DA'CAT

Dear Da'Cat,

What can be done to help you?

About the popular shows... you know, even if the intentions are good, they have to do primarily a "show" and I presume they are flooded by requests, so... I will not confide so much in them.

You wrote: I don't wanna be gay I can't fight it though.

To be gay is right like to be born a man, or to be born a Mexican (or an Italian or anything else) and so on. You say you can't fight it... I'd say you have not to fight it! You have to fight the people saying that being gay is not right! The first step to get power is TO ACCEPT YOURSELF and be proud of what and how you are.
People who don't love you because you are gay, simply doesn't know how to love. It's better to lose them than to have them.
I will never accept somebody saying me: "I would love you, if you were not Italian!" So, it is the same for being gay: if you love me you have also to accept that I'm gay.

You wrote: I wan't u to help me find some powers in society to make a group an so we can have a hot line to help teens in need of self liberation.

You HAVE the means to do that! You have to just use them. For instance, you have a home page: put on it (or create a new one, for example GeoCities gives 11 MB for free!) to gather people like you, to form a group, to do some action in order to change the society... You have a chat room: open another one only for this purpose. You can also have a "message board" for free, aimed at the same goal.
Move on!

You wrote: Tell me am I a little kid in the world that is making a wish for something, bigger than then the world he lives in? I hope not

No, I don't think you are a little kid, and all the great changes started just for the wish of somebody. Do you remember Martin Luther King words?

"I have a dream!"

Work on your dream, and remember that it will ask all your energies to get some results. Aim high! And if the result is smaller than you thought, don't be discouraged. Very often we are not able to see the fruits of the seeds we planted, but they exist...

Ok, Da'Cat?

Anyway, I'm here with understanding, and friendship, don't forget that!

Ciao ciao

Andrej

bar

smile Go to: Queries Form Return to the smile Parlour Desk Return to the smile Messages 11 Go to: Messages 2smile


corner © Matt & Andrej Koymasky, 1997 - 2017 corner
navigation map
recommend
corner
corner
If you can't use the map, use these links
HALL Lounge Livingroom Memorial
Our Bedroom Guestroom Library Workshop
Links Awards Map
corner
corner