In a bus, a hippie is trying to cruise a young beautiful nun, who reacts in a very bad way and leaves at the first stop.
The young driver says to the hippie, "Every evening late, around eight 'o clock, she goes to pray at the cemetery, you know? If you wear a white cloth, with your long hair and your beard, she can think you are Jesus. and so..."
That same evening the hippie sees the nun praying in a corner of the cemetery. He stands in front of her cloacked in a white bed sheet, at the light of the moon, and says, "I am Jesus, and I'm going to fuck you!"
The nun humbly answers. "As you like, my God. But please, fuck my ass, to preserve my virginity..."
Once all is over, the hippie throws away his disguise and proudly says, "Ha ha, you didn't recognize me! I am the man who was in the bus, this morning..."
The nun, pulling away her veil, says, "And I am the bus driver, my dear friend!"
The Bad Samaritan
A man was walking his dog through some woods when he heard a cry for help. He ran through the woods and eventually came across a guy standing stark naked with his hands tied around a tree.
The man with the dog says, "What the hell happened to you?" as he ties his dog up to a tree.
The tied man replies, "Oh mate, you would not fucking believe it, these guys came running up to me and took my clothes, all my money, my watch, my jewellery and left me tied stark bloody naked to this tree!"
The other man, whilst unzipping his fly, sneer, "Well, it's not your lucky day, is it mate!"
A Firefighter and another man are buttfucking in a smoke filled room.
The fire chief walks in and says "What the hell is going on in here?!"
The Firefighter says "Well sir, this man has got smoke inhalation."
The Chief says "Why didn't you give him mouth to mouth."
The Firefighter says "How do you think all this got started?"
A tall well-built man, with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1, 3 & 5.
Two gay lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.
The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.
The robbery begins.
The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," he said.
He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.
The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!" The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
The first's right
Three men armed with shotguns stormed into a late-night diner.
"Everybody down on the floor!" one shouted. "We're going to rape all the men and rob all the women."
"No" another said. "That's wrong. We're going to rob all the men and rape all the women."
At that a fag cowering in the corner piped up and said, "I think you should listen to that first darling."
The Two Cowboys
Two cowboys were riding horse. They were going down the road when they saw a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. They stop to look at it.
A minute later one of the cowboys yells, "I can't take it anymore!" So he runs over to the sheep and starts butt-fucking it.
He walks back whens he's done and says to the other cowboy, "You want some of that?"
The other cowboy smiles and says, "All right!"
So he runs up to the fence and sticks his head in it...
In or out?
Two men are pumping away in bed.
"Spread your legs wider," one urges. Then, more urgently: "Wider, wider!"
"What the fuck are you trying to do" the other asks, "get your balls in?"
"No" the first one replies. "Out!"
Two Gay Guys
Two gay guys are camping together. The first guy said, "Let's play hide and seek. I'll hide, and if you find me I'll blow you."
The second guy asked, "What if I can't find you?"
The first replied, "I'll be behind that tree..."