Last update:
April 11th
2009

the lounge jokes

corner The Jokes Scrapbook corner
bottom

logo

top

bottom

logo

top

bottom

logo

top

bottom

logo

top

bottom

logo

top

bottom

logo

top

bottom

logo

top

copybook
           Started on
     May 1st 1999    
Page 6    
Cops, Lawyers, and Judges

cigarette1cigarette2

The Missing Lover

A guy went to the police station with his room mate to report that his lover was missing. The policeman asked for a description.

He said, "He's 35 years old, 2 metres tall, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 92 kgs, is soft-spoken, and has an 8 inch cock."

The room mate protested, "Your lover is 1,65 m, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and you told me his dick was smaller than your pinkie finger."

The guy replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

cigarette1cigarette2

Airbag

Airbag

cigarette1cigarette2

Q. - Why did the gay criminal keep going back to prison?

A. - He loved it in the can.

cigarette1cigarette2

Choked

Choked

cigarette1cigarette2

A Job

February 28 was fast approaching and a young guy of the evening went to his tax advisor to file his income tax. When the conservative young man started to fill out the forms, the advisor asked, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a prostitute" the guy said unabashedly.

The fellow's face turned red and he stammered "Oh, we can't say that on the form. Is there something else you can call yourself?"

The young guy thought for a moment and said, "You can put down that I'm a hooker."

The young man's face got redder and he shook his head. "No we can't say that either."

The young guy thought for a moment and finally said, "All right, just put down that I'm a chicken farmer."

The advisor looked at him for a moment, an expression of perplexity spreading across his face. "A chicken farmer? Why a chicken farmer?"

The young guy looked at him and replied, "Because I must have raised about 300 cocks last year!"

cigarette1cigarette2

Kindness

Kindness

cigarette1cigarette2

Did you hear about the two homosexual judges?
They kept trying each other.

cigarette1cigarette2

Gay Cop

Gay Cop

cigarette1cigarette2

Lawyers

Two gay friends passed on the street.

One stopped the other and exclaimed,

"Darling, I thought they'd sent you to jail on that sodomy charge?"

"Oh, no," the other exclaimed. "I found this wonderful lawyer who got the charge reduced to following too closely."

cigarette1cigarette2

Gift

cigarette1cigarette2

Dirty Sounding Law Terminology

10. Have you looked through his briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $600 an hour, he better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave him the stiffest one he could.

And the #1 dirty law statement ...

1. Think you can get me off?

cigarette1cigarette2

Last Wish 1

Last Wish 1

cigarette1cigarette2

The Brute

The police department received a call at 1A.M. from a professor at the local university who reported a break-in.

"The man was a huge brute," the professor reported. "He ripped the covers off the bed and found me sleeping naked. He looked at me in the most vile possible way and then he exposed this incredibly large penis."

"That sounds awful," The sympathetic police clerk responded.

"That's not the worst part. He made me put that disgusting thing in my mouth, then he turned me over and shoved it up my ass until I felt like I would split in two."

"We'll send a squad over right away to look for him," the clerk said.

"Oh, you don't have to do that," the professor said. He's in the shower now. Why don't you just come over and pick him up in the morning."

cigarette1cigarette2

Last Wish 2

Last Wish 2

cigarette1cigarette2

A Similar Approach

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge asked the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor," he replied, "I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs, and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?" he asked the second boy.

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar approach," he answered. "I drew a large and a small circle. Pointing to the small circle, I said, this is your asshole before you go to prison..."

cigarette1cigarette2

Last Wish 3

Last Wish 3

cigarette1cigarette2

Blowing Smoke

Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:

"What is your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.

"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said.

"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."

cigarette1cigarette2

Probation Officer

maddog 2

cigarette1cigarette2

Sheriff

The residents of a small redneck town urge the sheriff to arrest the local homosexual. Seems he's been propositioning all the teenage boys in town.

The sheriff dutifully arrests the fag and says to him, "Ok, faggot, you got 15 minutes to blow this town!"

The gay man says, "I'll need at least two hours."

cigarette1cigarette2

Gay Crimes

Fiala 2

cigarette1cigarette2

Car Accident

Two guys are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the first guy says, "So you're gay; I noticed the rainbow flag on your car. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the second guy replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"

The first guy continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the second guy. The second guy nods his head in in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the first guy. The first guy takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the second guy.

The second guy asks, "Aren't you having any?"

"No, I think I'll just wait for the police"

cigarette1cigarette2

backloungenext
If you want to send us some good jokes or strips,
e-mail us at andrej@andrejkoymasky.com
EMAIL ME

corner © Matt & Andrej Koymasky, 2010 corner
navigation map
recommend
corner
corner
If you can't use the map, use these links
HALL Lounge Livingroom Memorial
Our Bedroom Guestroom Library Workshop
Links Awards Map
corner
corner