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April 11th
2009

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           Started on
     May 1st 1999    
Page 11    
Doctors and Hospitals

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Crutches

When Jim first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted - as was his lover, George. But after several weeks - when his love tool had grown to nearly twenty inches - Jim became quite concerned, so he and his lover went to see an urologist.

After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Jim's condition could be helped through corrective surgery.

"How long will Jim be on crutches?" George asked anxiously. "Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

"Well," said George coldly, "You ARE planning to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"

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Group Therapy

Group Therapy

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Radical

Three weeks after a gay couple get married, the one partner is involved in a car crash and goes into a coma. He remains unconscious for eight months. His new lover visits him every day to talk to him and to see if he is comfortable.

One day, while adjusting his partner's blankets, the man accidentally brushes his partner's balls. His partner sighs. Excited at this first noise in eight months the man runs out to find the doctor.

On being told this the doctor nods and suggest rubbing the partner's balls.

The man does so and he moans. Ecstatic the man runs back to the doctor.

"OK," says the doctor. "This might sound radical, but I think you might want to try oral sex. This is obviously private, so I'll close the curtains and leave the room."

The man agrees and goes back into his partner's room. Three minutes later, he returns pale and shaking. "He's dead!" he cries.

"What? How?" asks the doctor.

"He choked!"

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Renaming it

Renaming it

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Bad luck

A devoted boyfriend was taking care of his partner, who had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. When he came to his senses, he motioned for his boyfriend to come near.

"You have been with me through all the bad times," he said. "When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" the boyfriend asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

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Sperm Bank

Deposit

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Partners...

A gay man was in an accident and his penis was chopped off. He was rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him, and after careful examination said, "We can replace it with a small size for $3,000, a medium size for $9,000, or an extra-large size for $27,000. I realize it's a lot of money, so take your time and talk it over with your partner."

When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring sadly at the floor.

"We've decided," the man told him as he choked back tears. "My partner says he'd rather have a new car."

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Check Up

Prostate

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Pizza Hut!

A guy goes to the doctor. "My boyfriend and I just can't seem to complete the sex act. We've tried and tried."

"You're putting too much pressure on yourself," says the doctor. "You need to relax and just let it happen. Just forget about it until you feel the urge. Then, no matter what you're doing, sweep it aside and make love."

"Okay, Doc."

Two weeks later the doctor sees the guy walking down the street towards him.

"Did my advice work for you?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, yes, Doctor. Wonderfully. Last week, at dinner, Pete and I reached for the salad at the same time and our hands touched. There was this electricity. So, we swept the salad aside, stripped off our clothes and we made love right there on the table. It was glorious!"

"That's wonderful," says the doctor.

"Yes... of course, but we can never go back to Pizza Hut again...."

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Vitamins

Carrots

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Medical Convention

At a medical convention, a doctor Jack Mulligan and doctor Shaun O' Keefe start eyeing each other. The Jack invites Shaun to dinner which he accepts. As they sit down at the table, Shaun excuses himself to go and wash his hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in Shaun's hotel room. Just as things hot up, Shaun interrupts proceedings and says he has to go and wash his hands.

Eventually they end up having sex. Immediately after the sex session, Shaun gets up and says he is going to wash his hands again.

When he comes back, the Jack says "I bet you are a surgeon."

"I am, but how did you know?"

"Easy, you're always washing your hands!"

"That's clever, I bet you're an anaesthesiologist."

"Wow, how did you guess?"

"Easy, I didn't feel a thing!"

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Eyes Test

Read it

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The Computer at Boots

One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at Boots the Chemist that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs #10.00."

The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the chemist. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the #10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

You have tennis elbow.

Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labour.

It will be better in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to Boots the chemist, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the #10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant....twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

And.... if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.

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Bigotry

Forbid

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Raped

A man goes to his doctor and says "Doc, I've just been raped by an elephant!"

The stunned doctor replies, "What makes you say that?"

"Well" says the man holding his hands about a foot or so apart "my arsehole feels this big!"

"Bend over, and let me have a look" says the doctor. The guy bends over and sure enough, his arsehole is about ten inches across. "But I thought that elephants only had a long thin penis" states the doctor.

"Yeah, I know, I know," says the agitated man "but it fingered me first!"

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Handicap

Duo

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Sharp Pains

A gay man goes to his doctor complaining of sharp pains in his rectum.

The doctor puts on his gloves and takes a look up the guy's ass.

"OH, my goodness", exclaims the doctor, "you have a dozen roses shoved up your ass!"

"Is there a card?" asks the gay man.

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Do it...

Billy

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Sharp Pains

A gay man goes to his doctor complaining of sharp pains in his rectum.

The doctor puts on his gloves and takes a look up the guy's ass.

"OH, my goodness", exclaims the doctor, "you have a dozen roses shoved up your ass!"

"Is there a card?" asks the gay man.

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Viagra 1

Viagra 1

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Q. - What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common?

A. - They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!


Q. - Why was the gay guy fired from the sperm bank?

A. - Because he was caught drinking on the job.


Q. - What do gays refer to hemorrhoids as?

A. - Speed bumps

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Viagra 2

Viagra 2

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If you want to send us some good jokes or strips,
e-mail us at andrej@andrejkoymasky.com
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