A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his homosexuality from his parents, goes over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he lets out a big sigh and says, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."
His mother made no reply, and the guy was about to repeat it, when she turned to him and said calmly, "You're gay? Doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
Nervously, the guy said, "Uh, yeah, Mom, well I guess so."
His mother went back to stirring the pot. Suddenly, she whirled around and whacked him over the head with her spoon, saying, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!"
A little boy goes to the barber-shop with his father. He stands next to the barber chair, while his dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to him, "Hey kid, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
He says, "Yes, I know. I'm gonna get them on my armpits too."
At the Movies
A Strange but Effective Ritual
A kid hears strange noises coming from his elder brother's bedroom.
"Ooooh! Mmmmmmh! Aah aaaah!"
Spying through the key hole, he sees him totally naked on his bed, furiously wanking and shouting, "Mmmmmmmh! I want a man! Ooooh! I really want a man to fuck with!"
Quite puzzled and asking himself a thousand questions, the kid goes to his school. In the afternoon, back home, passing again in front of his brother's room closed door, he again hears those strange sounds. So he again bends down to spy from the key hole and... What does he see? His brother naked busying himself on his bed to fuck with a naked man ! Incredible!
The boy immediately runs to his own room, throws his school bag on a chair, rapidly undresses and completely naked goes on his bed. He starts then to wank furiosly shouting, "Oooooh ! I want a bike! I really want a bike!"
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the man next door."
"Oh, you know, my son doesn't yet date girls, he is still playing with dolls..."
A mother came home from a long trip visiting her parents to find her son riding a very fancy new 10-speed bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300."
"Easy, Mum," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on," the mother said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Johnny, Mr. Reynolds' help from the grocery store, would come over to see Dad. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"
My Successful Son
Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.
The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I'm not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two Cadillacs, and a stock portfolio."
A Horrible Thing!
One day, an English lady says to her son, "Phillip, my darling, I think it's time for you to seriously think about giving a heir to our family."
Phillip says, "Not yet, dear mother, I want to enjoy some more of my bachelor's years."
"But you are already 45! I think it's about time that you start a family. I was thinking about Lady Margaret, what do you think of her?"
"Mother, Lady Margaret? She is sillier than a goose! How can you think of her as your daughter-in-law?"
"Well, yes, you are right, my dear, just that she is the daughter of the Prime Minister. It would have been a really nice marriage, but I understand you. What do you think then about Lady Jane?"
"Lady Jane, mother? But she stinks, I can't spend my whole life at the side of a stinking woman!"
"Yes, you are right, even though her family is the richest in south England. It would have been a convenient marriage, but I understand you. Now, how about Lady Elizabeth?"
"But mother, she has a huge nose, and moreover, she limbs like a galloping horse!"
"Yes, but she is from the oldest aristocratic family in the United Kingdom. My dear, there must be at least someone that you like."
"Well, mother, in fact there is someone that I like."
"Well, that's wonderful! Who is that, my dear?"
"It's Sean, our stable boy."
Horrified, the Lady screams, "What are you saying?!! How can you do such a horrible thing to me? Don't you know he is a Roman Catholic?!"
The first date...
A young man takes a gay boy he met in a chat-room out for the first date, and decides to walk him home afterwards.
When they get to the boy's house, the young man leans against the door frame and looks lustingly into his eyes.
"Hey baby," the young man says. "Why don't you give me a little blow?"
"What?!?" the boy says in a shocked stare.
"You know you'll love that," the young man replies.
"Oh, I just can't," the boy answers.
"Come on," the young man says. "You know you want to."
"But somebody might see me. The neighbor, my family..."
"Nobody will see, this late. It will be lot of fun!"
"Oh, don't think I can. It's just too risky."
About that time, the front door opens. Standing there in his boxers is the boy's younger brother, with his hair all standing up and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
"Dad says either you blow him, I do it, or he'll come down and do it himself. But whatever you do, tell him to take his hand off of the damned intercom!"
A kindergarten teacher was instructing his class of little boys on how to go to the bathroom.
He gave them the following instructions:
- One - unzip your zipper
- Two - pull your peepee out
- Three - stroke the skin back
- Four - take a pee
- Five - stroke the skin forward
- Six - put it away and zip up the zipper
So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The teacher asks the boys, "where is Johnny?"
One of the boys replies "He's still in the bathroom."
So the teacher goes down the hall to the boy's restroom and hears Little Johnny saying "three, five, three, five, three, five..."