Slow Pronuciation

Two gay lovers were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the handsome young employee "Before we order, handsome, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The young man leaned over the counter and said "Burrrrrr-Gurrrrr Kiiiinnggg."

Mistaken Pronunciation

Q. - What's the difference between a lover and a job?

A. - After 5 years, the job still sucks!

Mirrors

A little mistake.

A man calls home and the Philippino house-help answers phone.

He says, "Can I speak to my boyfriend?"

The Philippino boy says, "No, he's upstairs in bed with a young man."

The man replies "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both."

Being the loyal servant, he says, "Ok."

5 minutes later the Philippino boy picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them when I get home."

The boy-servant says, "We don't have a pool."

The man asks, "Is this 545-3472?"

Virtual?

Uncle Adam (another version of "A Little Mistake")

Bob and Joe are baby sitting Joe's kid for his ex-wife on a Saturday morning. Bob is just about to set off on a round of golf when he realises that he has forgotten to tell Joe that his ex-wife had called while Joe was out doing some work in the garden, and that her new boyfriend was coming around at noon to pick up the kid. Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

"Hello?" says a little boy's voice.

"Hi, kid, is Daddy near the phone?"

"No, he's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Adam, Mommy's new boyfriend."

After a brief pause, Bob says, "But Mommy's new boyfriend isn't called Uncle Adam, boy!"

"Well, he is so called Uncle Adam, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Daddy!"

Bob was jealous, not so much because Joe was cheating on him, but because the boyfriend was an absolute hunk and Bob had fantasised about him. 'I'll get even with Joe for this,' he thought.

"Okay, then, we'll call him Uncle Adam. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Daddy and Uncle Adam that your Mommy's car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay!"

A few minutes later, the little boy comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said."

"And what happened?"

"Well, Daddy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around in a panic. He then tripped over the rug and fell down the front steps, and he's just lying there. I think he's dead."

"Oh, my God! And what about Uncle Adam?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. He must not have known that Daddy took out all the water this morning to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool. He's just lying there not moving. He may be dead, too."

There was a long pause, then Bob said, "Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"

Outspoken

Dating

I'm thinking there is a valuable lesson to be learned here, and it's high time that I re-evaluate what I'm looking for.

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend.

When I was 16 I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a boy with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a boy with some excitement.

When I was 30 I found an exciting boy, but I couldn't keep up with him. He rushed from one party to another, never settling on anything. He did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met.

He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a boy with some ambition.

When I turned 40, I found a smart ambitious boy with his feet planted firmly on the ground so I moved in with him. He was so ambitious that he dumped me and took everything I owned.

I am older now and am looking for a guy with a very big dick.

Master

What Do Gay Men Consider Success?

Age 4....Success is....Not peeing in your pants

Age 12..Success is....Having friends

Age 16..Success is....Having a driver's license

Age 20..Success is....Having sex with a nice boy

Age 35..Success is....Having money

Age 50..Success is....Having money

Age 60..Success is....Having sex with a nice boy

Age 70..Success is....Having a driver's license

Age 75..Success is....Having friends

Age 80..Success is....Not peeing in your pants

Shrink

The Penis Poem

My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I've got a full-time job
To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes.