Last update:
March 20th
2001

the lounge jokes

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           Started on
     March 20th 2001    
Page 22    
Here are some actual label instructions
on consumer goods.

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On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

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On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

(The shoplifter special.)

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On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like every regular soap."

(And that would be how...?)

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On some Swann frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(But it's just a suggestion.)

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On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."

(Too late!)

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On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

(As night follows the day...)

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On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save time?)

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On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

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On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope.)

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On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to what?)

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On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

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On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

(Talk about a news flash.)

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On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

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On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

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On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Was there a spate of this happening somewhere? Oh My!)

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If you want to send us some good jokes or strips,
e-mail us at andrej@andrejkoymasky.com
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