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Matt & Andrej Koymasky
Added on       
April 5th
, 2000

Do You Really Want to Lose Your Virginity?
(Sex for the First Time)

Young people are under a lot of pressure to lose their virginities, that is, to have sexual intercourse for the first time. Having sexual intercourse with someone only because you want to lose your virginity, or because you think all your friends are doing it, is something that you may not feel so good about later.

You may feel a lot of anxiety, especially the first time you "go all the way" (that is, sexual intercourse). You may feel embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's natural to feel some anxiety but good communication is the key. Being relaxed and able to share things with your partner who is also probably feeling nervous will ease the tension.

Having sexual intercourse, when a boy's hard penis goes inside a girl's vagina, or even just touches the outside of her vagina, may lead to pregnancy. Of course, two boys or two girls don't have such risk. But still, before having sexual intercourse (whether it is going to be in the vagina, in the anus, or in the mouth, whether it is with someone of the same sex or of different sex), you should think about whether you need to use contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy and condoms to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs).

Yes, a girl can become pregnant the first time she has sexual intercourse. Yes, STDs can be transmitted even with just one single sexual intercourse. So the first time you have sexual intercourse, you must use contraception if you don't want to risk becoming a parent, and condoms if you don't want to get STDs.

The age of consent, that is the legal age to have sex, depends on which country you are in. Also be careful also about that, or you will be seriously in trouble if one of you is not of age and someone found out about you. And never ever presume that "nobody will know"...

In England and Wales, for instance, the law says it's illegal for a boy to have sex with a girl who is under sixteen and for two boys to have sex before they are eighteen. There is no law against two girls having sex together at any age. Check carefully the age of consent in your country or state, don't just believe your friends...

For some people, sexual feelings are connected with love and close relationships. Some people think sex should only happen within marriage. For some people, sex and love are two different things. Just be sure that you both share the same feelings.

What is important is that you feel good about yourself and what you are doing, and that you keep yourself safe. Being safe means not only thinking about physical risks such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), but also emotional risks such as the regret you may feel afterwards. It is also important to ascertain that your partner also has those same feelings. It is above all a matter of mutual respect.

There is no absolute right age to start having sex (besides the legal problem). What matters above all is whether it is the right time for you, and for your partner. It also depends on what you mean by "having sex." There are many ways in which you can give and receive sexual pleasure without having sexual intercourse. For instance, giving each other massages, kissing, and hugging can be very passionate and erotic. They are wonderful ways of sharing and showing love. And they are also very, very important when you do have complete sexual intercourse, both before it, and after it. For some people, these activities can be even more fulfilling than sexual intercourse.

You get pressure from people talking about sex. You think, "I've got to go and see what it's like." It could be very hard, but you've got to resist this kind of pressure and do only what you really want. Never have sex under any kind of pressure.

It's very important not to feel pressured into having sex when you don't really want to. Just because your friends say they are doing it doesn't mean they really are. There are lots of reasons why people don't want to have sex. Some people have strong moral or religious beliefs. Others just want to wait for the right moment. It's important for you to decide what's right for you.

But when two people do decide they want to have sexual intercourse, they should seriously think about using condoms if they are a boy and a girl, unless they want to become parents. Also, two boys wanting to have sex, or two girls, should definitely think about using condoms. Condoms can help (even though they are not 100% safe) stopping infections like HIV as well as reducing the risk of getting pregnant. Also read my article about Safer Sex in the Newspaper.

This text is inspired by an article written and published in the United Kingdom.


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