Last update:
November 27th
2017

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The end of suffering

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rose Jamey Rodemeyer

(March 21, 1997 - September 18, 2011)

"What do I have to do for people to listen?"

Gabriel Fernandez

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Later in the morning of Sunday September 18, Jamey's 14-year-old sister Alyssa discovered his body, hanging lifeless from their family swing set, outside of their home. "It is the same swing set that he was on since he was three years old. That we built special for them," his mother explained.

jameyThe Amherst, New York police department launched a criminal investigation after Jamey Rodemeyer's death, assisted by Erie County district attorney Frank Sedita. "The special victims unit is looking into the circumstances prior to his death," Captain Michael Camilleri said. "We are not sure if there is anything criminal or not." The investigation lasted nine weeks, and included analysis of Jamey's home computer and mobile phone records.

No bullying laws exist in New York State, according to Camilleri, so police would have to determine whether aggravated harassment charges fit this case. Whether suspects would be tried in juvenile court would depend on whether the alleged bully was 16 or older, he said.

Although possible evidence of criminal harassment was found, these incidents either had insufficient evidence to prosecute or were expired beyond the statute of limitations. The investigation concluded with no charges filed.

Police said they had spoken with Williamsville School Superintendent Scott G. Martzloff, who has pledged the district's cooperation.

"We've heard that there were some specific students, an identifiable group of students, that had specifically targeted Jamey, or had been picking on him for a period of time," Police Chief John C. Askey told the Buffalo News.

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Jamey sent out many signals on social networking sites that he was struggling with his sexuality, even though he encouraged others on the It Gets Better project websiteYouTube to fight off the bullies.

News of Jamey's death resulted in outrage by supporters worldwide. Following his death, Tim and Tracy Rodemeyer were interviewed by news media about their son and his struggles against bullying. Both parents took the opportunity to promote peace and equality in the hope of preventing occurrences similar to this.

In an interview with Ann Curry on The Today Show Jamey's parents said that they, their daughter and son were still being bullied, even after his suicide. When his sister attended a school homecoming dance, Jamey's friends began chanting his name in support when a Lady Gaga song began playing. As a result, the very same bullies at the dance began chanting that they were glad he was dead.

funeralWhen the family went camping last weekend, he seemed happy. Suicide prevention experts say they are grateful that the media has played down the details about how he killed himself.

"The risk, especially in this case, is potentially causing other young people in their direct vicinity to take their own lives," said Laura McGinnis, a spokeswoman for the Trevor Project, which runs a national lifeline for people younger than 24, especially LGBT and questioning youth. "The risk for contagion is too high when we share the means and method and how he did it can actually increase the likelihood that others will do it, too."

Few statistics exist on young people who kill themselves. But overall rates among those aged 10 to 24 declined from 9.24 suicides per 100,000 in 1991 to 7.01 suicides per 100,000 in 2006, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"Suicide never has one cause, that is something really important to recognize," McGinnis said. "But [Jamey] had the support of parents and friends and he was planning on going to a homecoming dance and dress like Lady Gaga. How do you know as a parent what signs to looks for? And sometimes, it's really difficult to know."

In her work with teens in crisis, McGinnis does not recommend covertly monitoring a child's social networking accounts, but instead establishing trust and open lines of communication to gain a welcome invitation.

"Parents should pay attention to what's going on in their kids' lives and what is important to them," she said. "They should maybe structure a day to ask detailed questions of the child: What is going on, what are they excited about and what are they afraid about. 'Who is bugging you and who did you tell?' Establish trust, listening, accepting everything they say and not judging them. Let them share their story."

Lady Gaga weighed in on the situation via twitter: "Bullying must become illegal. It is a hate crime," she tweeted.

"I am meeting with our President. I will not stop fighting. This must end. Our generation has the power to end it. Trend it #MakeALawForJamey," the singer posted to twitter that night.

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Jamey's story should not be pushed aside or forgotten. We should all remember that we have an obligation to our children to raise them right and to teach them right from wrong.

jameyIt is our job to teach our children bullying is wrong. It all starts at home. The way we treat others is a reflection on how we were raised. Words can hurt more then anything else. Jamey hurt so much for so long that he took his own life. He felt so helpless and alone and just wanted the pain to stop.

Selfish, ignorant bullies are everywhere and we as parents are the ones responsible for this. Nurture starts at home. Teach acceptance instead of judgment, open-mindedness instead of being selfish. Teach them the lesson of caring. When you have good core values the rest just seems to blossom on their own.  

Teen suicide is not a new or uncommon problem. Of the more than 35,000 suicides reported in the United States in 2008, 4,513 of the cases were youths between the ages of 10 and 24, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Why Bullying is Complicated: Students with depression, or suicidal ideation are often targets for bullies and bullies also have their own cognitive and mental health issues.

  1. There does not appear to be any clear cut ways to address bullying.
  2. When confronting parents of students who bully, often those parents are defensive and feel their student is the victim.
  3. Students who Bully in High School have learned to be covert and makes it difficult to prove.
  4. Students who Bully will threaten the victims if they try to report the bully to administration.
  5. The Victim may not tell their parents for fear that there parents will tell the school or confront the aggressor and embarrass them.
What Can Parents Do to Protect their Children:
  1. Monitor their students social networking sites.
  2. Parents need to be a friend on their teenager's social networking sites and have the passwords to these sites.
  3. Print out harassing messages online and give to a trusted adult who could help the student report it anonymously.
  4. Work with the schools Parent Teacher Association to influence discipline for bullying behaviors.
  5. Have Bullies not only apologize to the victim but have the bully do something for the victim to make it up to them like carry their back pack for the day.  Often schools that have taken this advice have seen the relationship between the Victim and Bully repaired by the end of the day.
  6. Do not Respond to harassing messages or teasing.  If you react to the bullying, you are giving the bully what they want . . . Negative attention!
  7. Misery Loves Company - Often Bullies are not happy with themselves or their life and do not want to be miserable alone.  So they will pull you into their misery with teasing!
  8. Block the bully from your social network.
  9. Roll with it!  If you must respond just agree with what the person says to defuse the situation.
  10. For example,
    • "You're a Fag" - Response - "Thanks",
    • "I wish you were dead" - Response - "That's the best thing I've heard all day."
    • "You suck at Basketball" - Response - "You're right.  I wish I had your 3 point shot.
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    Could you help me at practice with my shot?" (I had a JV high school basketball player do this and it worked.)  The bully replied to him in Facebook and said "Ok!"  The next day the victim walked into school and the bully said "Hey [Name] see you in open gym."  The victim said "I go to school now with my head up with confidence because if someone calls me a name I can just roll with it!"
  11. Do not spread rumors online or in person.  You can be part of the solution by not sharing gossip about someone.
  12. If you see a peer or classmate who is bullied you can encourage them and show support to them and report the bully anonymously with a few peers to help corner the bully.
  13. Develop a Posse - Make your peers feel like a million bucks by building up your friends and then they will want to be around you because you are positive and encouraging.  Bullies target people that are alone but if you have a posse then you will not be a target.
  14. If you are being bullied or have a student that is bullied please contact a counselor that specializes in bullies and can help "Fly your student under the bully radar."

NOTE: Freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors, name, credentials, and contact information below intact and include a link to this article. https://www.totallifecounseling.com/

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Nothing could ease Jamey's pain

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